AN OPEN LETTER TO Michael.g.Kimber

Hi,

*crickets*

My name is Robyn. I am 25 years old and this past year – suffered a huge crash. Not really a breakdown. I did that when I was like..23. But a full blown regression to the horror that was my previous life. Long after I thought I was “Better”. That I could work two jobs, come off the medication and be like all the “normal” people.Long after I thought I was going to be happy – IF only I could do this one more thing. Be just this much better. DO this much more.

But I couldn’t. I crashed. I burned. For the first time ever I allowed myself to be put on disability. I asked for help. It wasn’t forced on me by some hospital I had been sent to. By a well meaning parent or someone who thought they could “fix” me. I ASKED for help.

That was June 11th, 2011. Two months after I had chest pain that sent me to the hospital. That they couldn’t figure out the cause of. Weeks after I had been in a continuous battle with my roommate over her changing the parameters  of the lease because she got a new boyfriend. Days and days of me working 80+ hours a week because I thought that was what I was supposed to do.

All while fighting to not give in. To not ask for help. To not admit that I needed it.

That day changed my life. I called my psychiatrist. I told him I was contemplating ending my life. That I had even gone so far as to insure that my animals would be taken care of if I went through with it. I had said my goodbyes. I had planned out how and when I would do it. I was 2 days from my planned ending. And on impulse I dialed.

Today? I am 100 miles from where I was – yet sometimes only a breath away.

I found your video today. A long time after you made it. Probably at a time when I needed it most. But there are others. People I interact with on a daily basis that need this video.

I am currently in a Life-Skills class through the Canadian Mental Health Association in Saskatoon, SK. We are on the last leg of our journey. 2 more weeks of group work before we try out community involvement. Some of us, are ready for those first few steps. Some of us see the light and are running fast the other way.

I would like to be able to show a copy of the video to my class mates. To let them watch it, hear it and maybe it will help someone else.

I would just email a link – but some of these people do not have computers. They themselves have just come out of hospitals. Have moved. Are working towards getting their own feet under them.

What I would like is a copy of the video. Something I can burn onto a DVD. Or an official copy from you. For the Mental Health Association in Saskatoon. Send it Collect on Delivery for all I care. Ill scrape the money together. But we need this. They need this, and I need to share it.

Please – I hope this doesn’t go to your spam box and I hear from you soon.

Robyn – the borderline dependent bipolar ocd anxiety insomniac monster who has never fully had a proper diagnosis, just been given a lot of names.
(Removed contact stuff for privacy. If you want it? Read your email!)

PS. I am totally facebooking this. And possibly blogging it then tweeting you the blog link. Probably. Maybe. If I have courage. Or if I get to it before the sleeping pills kick in.