Princess with the peg leg (or how I came to break my leg getting on a horse)

Dez lives about 1.5 hours from my moms house. She is my longest relationship outside of family. We met in March when we were in grade 2. I had just moved into the area and it was my first day. No one else would show me around. … *Eventual story to come*… we have been best friends ever since.

It was…wow… can it be 20 years? Grade 2…. I started kindergarten at age 5. Grade one was 6 years old. Grade two – I would have been seven until the end of May. We met in March. I am turning 27 end of this month… that is 19…not quite 20 full years of friendship. BUT HOLY FUCKING COW BATMAN!

I have just decided the next bit has to be its own post because, well.. it’s my fucking blog. So suck it.

 

So – that is where the last post left off.

Dez happens to live on a chicken farm. Not her chicken farm.. just one she lives on. She rents out part of the shop with her boyfriend. They have semi converted the shop space into living space. The other part of the shop is rented by another man. No actual connection to Dez.

K – also lives on this chicken farm. She is another one of Dez’s best friends. She rents the carriage house on the property.

An older couple rent the main house. Again – no corrolation between Dez and them.

So: recap. Dez +1 living in part of a converted shop space.Person renting out other part of the shop. K +1 Living in the carriage house. Elder couple renting main house.  2 large chicken barns, a regular barn, 8 horses.

The animals are as follows –
Dez: 2 dogs (woo and dangerface). 3 cats. (r, f, j), Horses( The Duke, Luna, Splash)
Dez + Ryan : 3 cats (s,v,c)
Ryan : Horse (Nikki)
K : 2 cats (e,r + 3 kittens) , Horses (m, l)
Ryan+K: Horse – D
Dez + K: Stallion

Anyways.. there is a manangerie of animals there.

I was visiting, had gone to see them starting on the 7th. We were going to look into housing options in the area for me, I was going to spend some time with the horse, do some help gardening – etc.

Everything was going great. I had been there for almost a week (Longer then I first intended.. but still good). Dez had been working long hours at her three jobs, K was away, and Ryan was also working. That left me free to roam on the farm.

I spent hours and hours with the horses. Brushing them, Deshedding them. Having long- thought provoking- conversations with them. Basically they were my main contentment while being there.

When K came back home, it was talked about me learning from the bottom  up,  how to ride. I had done some trail riding before… but didn’t actually KNOW how to ride. This was a big thing, not only because I was super excited to get to ride, but because K and I had a bit of a funny sorta relationshipish  thing going on.

Anyways- The morning came. K had actually taken off her air cast. She had broken her foot 6 or so weeks before and was just able to start taking her boot off. We haltered a horse and went to the side pasture to start. First things first, being of course, to get up on the horse without a saddle and to ride bareback. To feel how the horse moves and acustom yourself the rhythm of the horse. Seemed all fine and dandy to me:)

I got up on the stump, K led the horse over to me… and I attempted my graceful mount. I promptly fell backwards and landed on my butt in the mud and horse shit. Nt to be deterred, and with promises that most people fall… I went to attempt again. Now, there just so happens to be a way you have to jump onto the horse, to be able to balance and swing your legs over. I don’t have balance at the best of times.

I made another attempt at jumping… and fell back down onto my feet. My leg promptly snapped. It was a loud sound. Very gross. I fell to the ground in the mud and shit, hugging my leg and screaming that I had just broken it.

I managed to do quite a number on it. Broke the tibia. Fractured the fibula. Dislocated my fibula from my ankle and my ankle from the rest of my foot. A total number. I ended up getting surgery. I have a 6 inch plate in my leg and nine screws. So far I have been in hospital bed since April 13, It is now May 1st. I will still not be able to put weight on it for another 4 weeks. THEN the real physio starts. Luckily for me.. I will be living at the rehab centre. Awesome huh?

And that is the story of how I broke my leg. I am the only girl I know of, or have heard of – who broke her foot horse back riding…. before even getting on a horse. WIthout even getting to ride even ONCE. C’est ma vieImage

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How do I tell thee…

I have so much I want to write about and express. I just – don’t want to come off as a downer. I have been avoiding writing, because, for me, not talking about it seems to have let me put it out of my mind for the time being.

I have recently moved provinces. This move caused strife between me and one of my best friends. Feelings were hurt, I probably wasn’t a saint.. but there are still things going around that I am not okay with. Mainly the idea that I have been bashing this friend before and since.

The things that were said were so hurtful – to me – that I blocked one of my best friends. On FB, my phone, fet , everything. I am not going to be talked to like that. Besides – who are you, or who is anyone else to tell me whether or not I was raped? Fuck you, that’s who.

But I digress. I don’t want to dwell on the hurt. I have unblocked her on my end. Maybe something will happen… maybe I will still just be ‘someone who used her and threw her away”, and will always be ‘a bottomless pit where good intentions go to die”. If that is how she feels still… I am sorry. I still care, am still thankful and grateful for every part of our friendship, and hope one day you can view me as more then that.

Next topic:

I moved here (BC) March 30/31. My stuff and I had been crashing at my moms house. I had an air mattress in the pantry, my brother was in the mud room on an airmattress, and my mom and other brother had the rooms. The two cats, dog, and all of us made for one cramped situation – yet I couldn’t really complain. I was home. Finally felt like I could belong in BC again. It was awesome.

Dez lives about 1.5 hours from my moms house. She is my longest relationship outside of family. We met in March when we were in grade 2. I had just moved into the area and it was my first day. No one else would show me around. … *Eventual story to come*… we have been best friends ever since.

It was…wow… can it be 20 years? Grade 2…. I started kindergarten at age 5. Grade one was 6 years old. Grade two – I would have been seven until the end of May. We met in March. I am turning 27 end of this month… that is 19…not quite 20 full years of friendship. BUT HOLY FUCKING COW BATMAN!

I have just decided the next bit has to be its own post because, well.. it’s my fucking blog. So suck it.

45 things a girl wants, but wont ask for (and my response) – from the draft abyss

My 13 year old cousin posted this on FB.. and I just had late night issues…

45 THINGS A GIRL WANTS, BUT WON’T ASK FOR:

1. Touch her waist. (Touch my waist, I punch your face. Fair warning)

2. Actually talk to her. (but only if it makes sense and you can use proper English, or at least something resembling English.)

3. Share secrets with her. (Unless they will creep me out. I don’t want to know you keep scabs in a jar, or buried your cat in the garden I just ate lettuce from)

…4. Give her your jacket. (Only if it is my size. What am I going to do with a jacket that doesn’t fit?)

5. Kiss her slowly. (This is ok… but only as long as you realize I need air. Otherwise you will lose an eye)

Are you remembering this?

6. Hug her. (This is good. Unless I am trying to go pee)

7. Hold her. (Again good, unless I need to go to the bathroom or you’re preventing me from getting to the salad bar)

8. Laugh with her. (Especially when I tell my awesome jokes. )

9. Invite her somewhere. (Sure – Just don’t expect me to enjoy visiting great Aunt Nelly in her nursing home – or watching as you and your friends play musical burps)

10. Hangout with her and your friends together. (Unless they are total douch bags. Then you can hang out with them by yourself. Ill find my own thing to do)

KEEP READING ..

11. Smile with her. (Just don’t be creepy about it.)

12. Take pictures with her. ( Only take my picture on a good day, or when I have given my permission first. NEVER show off a picture before I have given it my stamp of approval. You think I want everyone to know what I look like when I just roll out of bed?)

13. Pull her onto your lap.* (Just don’t quote RHCP when doing it. Shudders)*

14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back. (You plan on duking it out with me over the fact I may love you more? Immature much?)

15. When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved. (I will more then likely claw your eyes out because you are suffocating me)

Are you thinking of someone?

16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her. (Unless I am doing something else. Or you JUST did this, or I am in the bathroom – in which case – shut the door you!)

17. Kiss her unexpectedly. (You gotta be careful else my ninja-like skills end up giving you a black eye because you startled me)

18. Hug her from behind around the waist. (Remember what happens when you touch my waist? Hugging me from behind just means you get canned instead of punched)

19. Tell her she’s beautiful. (This one I will take)

20. Tell her the way you feel about her. (Acceptable – unless the way you feel about me is illegal. Then we need to have a in depth conversation about limits and boundaries beforehand.)

One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.

21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car – it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman. (This only works some of the time – I may just turn and look at you funny and there will be a complete awkward moment as I wait for you to enter the fucking restaurant already goddamnit)

22. Tell her she’s your everything – only if you mean it. (I’m sorry, you tell me this and I will know you are lying. It is emotionally and physically impossible for me to be your everything. I am not your mother, your father, your favorite gym teacher or that girl you diddled in 8th grade. I am just me)

23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her – if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT – so just hug her.(Or it could be that there is ACTUALLY NOTHING WRONG)

24. Make her feel loved. (…just not stalked)

25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!(Or other boys, or girls you don’t know… etc)

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US .. (Tickling me will usually result in some sort of fight)

26. Don’t lie to her. (Unless it is a good lie… like “No hun, you won’t seem like a total uncouth pig if you eat a second piece of pie” – that right there is a good lie)

27. DON’T cheat on her. (This I kinda agree with… )

28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants. (That’s right.. I wanna go to the fucking MOON!)

29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her. (Just don’t expect more of a response then a grumble or a “k” until at least 10 am and 2 cups of coffee)

30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.(Unless I need you to GO AWAY. Sometimes I like to be alone yo)

ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT.

31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too. (Or we could just go to somewhere where it isn’t cold… What a novel idea!)

32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her. (Hell we don’t have to be alone for that…)

33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her). (Or it warns me that I may have had too much garlic at lunch and I need to brush my teeth…that works too)

34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly. (You make me miss an important piece of my movie and there will be hell to pay… HELL)

35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset, comfort her.( If you’re mad, be mad. Tell me you’re mad. Tell me to leave. Just be prepared for the response)

REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT ..

36. When people diss her, stand up for her. (But don’t be surprised when I am right there telling nasty jokes right along with them… that doesn’t mean you can though)

37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her. (This works … as long as you don’t turn it into something creepy.. and heads up – I may burst into laughter)

38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you. (How romantic… though I will more then likely smell like a bottle of Off! – Only time I want to be outside laying down looking at the stars is in summer… when bugs are out)

39. When walking next to each other grab her hand. (Just don’t startle me too much or I may attack)

40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.(Just let go when I start to squirm.. otherwise I might poke your eyes out)

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED.

41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams. (Don’t be offended if I fall asleep on you)

42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears. (Letting me blow my nose helps as well.)

43. Take her for long walks at night. (Unless it is in the dead of winter, or a really bad part of town or something like that)

44. Always remind her how much you love her. (I like this one)

45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while you’re sitting on her. (I am warning you right now. You sit on top of me and I will NOT be wiping the blood off your face after you smack your head into the wall when I buck)

You’ll never know when she needs just a little more love .. ♥! (Until I ask for it)

For my dearest friends, you are always in my heart

This is a poem written by my best friend. When she wrote it – I posted it on another site I journal on. It did not seem to get much attention or appreciation. Hopefully you all – whoever you are… will enjoy it.

My Friend

If you call me in the middle of the night I will answer.
If you need me I will come.
I would bail you out of jail, or hide evidence.
I will lie for you, but never to you.
I will stand behind you when you need support and I will stand in front of you when you need a wall.
I will stand up for you even if I do not agree with you.
I will stand for you.
I will hold your hand at funerals and hold your hair at parties and hold your keys when you leave the house without pockets.
I will hold your heart safe when someone breaks it and I will hold you close when you feel alone.
I will fight for you, even when we cannot win. Especially then… because if you fail we fail together.
If I do not see you for twenty years it will feel like yesterday and if I never see you again it will feel like tomorrow.
I will give you all I have to give because when I offered you friendship I knew what it meant and when I said forever I meant forever.

– written by DWallis2011- reprinted with permission from the author.

So. It begins. The beginning of the end…

I was so scared to tell her I was moving. To let her know that I was making a choice for myself. Not for anyone else. Turns out I was right to be scared. Right to be worried.

Moments after I sent that email – She responded with good luck. You owe me money.

Okay. I owe you 100. You want an extra 50 for driving me home? After was able to get a ride for free, and you convinced me to stay until the next day where you would have a boy drive me? Fine. I will pay you the 50.

You are so cold. So held back. I know you are hurting about this as much as I am . There is no way you couldn’t care. Besides – I know you. You are my friend, one of my best… I know there is a way you react when you feel threatened or hurt. I know you push people away. Lash out. Try and make them hurt as much as you do. It’s not okay.. but I can understand it.

And yes – I expected this. I knew – KNEW – that there was a 99% chance of the reaction being such. Being asked to return everything that might have been lent. Pay you money. Having you request everything so that you can “break” ties.

You want the few books I might have back – Sure.. I’ll look for them.
You want the supplies you gave me for displaying jewellery? Sure. No problem. I will give them to the boys when they come by.

You want the bedroom set you said I could have because you didn’t want it? To save it from being sold off by your mother? I’ll do that too.

You can take all the material stuff you want back. Not thing things you gave as real honest to god gifts though. (I know how you feel about people wanting to give stuff like that back).

It won’t change anything. I will still be here – waiting for you to not be mad or hurt anymore. I will get past my hurt, disappointment, abandonment feelings – and I will still care about you. You could never speak to me again… and I would still think of you every day. You may not want anything to do with me right now.. and that is okay… But I will still be caring about you – even when you try and cut every piece out.

I am sorry you are hurting. I am sorry you feel that our friendship was one-sided. That I used(??really you feel I was only using you???) you for what I could get out of you. To feel and believe that of everyone must be exhausting. And painful. No matter what you believe now – I never tried to use you. I never wanted you because you had money, were nice to me… anything like that. I liked you because *I LIKED YOU*.

I wanted to be your friend from the first time I met you. Sucks that because I cared about you, and am now moving away – it means I used you.

So…

I will give your stuff back. I will find a way to pay you back . I will take a step back, let you be. Hopefully one day you will forgive me and we could be friends again. In a way that isn’t me keeping the candle light in the window. It sucks… maybe this will help you too.

You were what was keeping me here… but that isn’t right either. To stay somewhere, go somewhere, do something… because you are scared of losing or hurting someone… isn’t healthy. I finally want to try for what *I* want. The only person who wasn’t okay with me making a choice for me – no matter what – was you. I’m sorry that being in your house so you could move away wasn’t enough. I’m sorry that me trying to be happy – makes you feel hurt and sad. I’m sorry.

Whether you care or not… I still do. And I will miss you. Every day. But .. I am still going. I want to start a life for me. With no one telling me what to do.  Not mom, not dad, not Oma, not even you.

Hopefully you will one day stop hurting  and I won’t have to keep the candle lit. Hopefully ….

xxooxx

Home.

It’s been a while. A long while. I don’t know where I am going. Or where I am. It hurts. More then it should. To be lost. To be floating. To… not know which way to turn. Do I stay? Do I go? How do I know which choice is right? Which will bring me the longest happiness?

To stay. To be with a friend I desperately love and admire. To be able to support her, be around her, be there for her. To be able to show her, and tell her every day how much she matters. Not just to me – but in general. Even if she is going away. Even if I had a conversation with her where I feel… uncomfortable. I don’t know if I want to get into what was said. I don’t know if I can do that emotional surgery all over. I have spent two days and countless hours going over and over the conversation in my head. Trying to interpret it different. Trying to find a way where what was said… wasn’t said like that. Find a way where I am the end result, the icing on the cake- not the tool to help with the preparation  and baking.

Yet I know. I know how much relationships matter. How *I* would see the same situation. I mean… 2.5 years ago when she said she was leaving, I had a panic attack in the middle of the grocery store. It was so bad my vision went black, I had to put my head between my legs, then run to the bathroom because I was going to throw up. That was also the day I realized that I couldn’t keep fooling myself that I was okay. That just because I ignore my mental illness, doesn’t make it gone. If I pretend the panic attacks are just me being irrational. That I don’t need those meds I so recently came off of. That I was fine. What a lie I kept telling myself. And it took hearing that my one lifeline and safety net was probably leaving to make me take a hard look at my life. I looked for a new psychiatrist. One I didn’t fell I had to lie to. I got help. I got disability. All because I was terrified that she would leave me.

Now the shoe is on the other foot. I am the one contemplating leaving. Yet… she is too. She told me as much – that if I lived there, she would feel better about moving away. Same situation for me. The panic. The fear. The need to find a new safety net. One that wouldn’t leave.

I feel like I am doing the same to her though. Making her be the one feeling abandoned. Left. Alone. I don’t mean to. I really don’t. I want to do what I can to make her life happier and better. To continuously show her how much she matters to me. That she stay alive and around. But… me going there – knowing that she wants to go as soon as she can… I… can’t. The uncertainty of it makes me want to throw up. If I knew she would never go, that it was all talk, that she was whistling in the dark – it would make things so different. But I don’t know that. I know how much she wants this. To move there. To get away. How serious the chance is. When there was no chance of either house selling… it was safe. The possibility was there but not yet tangible. A shadow on the outskirts of my vision, able to be ignored.

The house is selling. She finds out for sure on the 12th. I don’t have until the 12th. I have until the 31st at noon. And the safety of her being there is no longer a sure thing. It no longer feels safe to go where I may again be facing being alone right away. I don’t have a friendship with the boys that way. I don’t have a friendship like the one with her in this province. Hell… anywhere. It is different then other friendships… but somehow, has become more real. Which makes the idea that there is even the slightest possibility of her not being there unacceptable. Without her.. I will be truly alone out here.

I know she thinks I am being pressured. And I was. Then I went there for Christmas. I tore a strip out of my family for making me choose. For making my life harder then it had to be. For using my mental illness against me. They didn’t know how to deal with that either. The fact I felt that way. That they were manipulating me. They thought they were being helpful. Stupidheads. They agreed to try to no longer demand, cry, beg for me to make a decision in their favour. (Let’s face it… force of habit is hard to break). They have though.. backed off. They still try and pressure me, only now it is to be close to someone I can lean on. Anyone. Somewhere where I will have support and be happy for then next however many years. A place I can put roots down in.

My mom – actually said that. That she doesn’t care where I live, who I live with, as long as I have support and I am happy. Hearing her say that made me cry. Funny thing is my dad said the same thing. Not the same words.. just that he wants me to be happy. The only one who is really begging me to go anywhere is Dexter. We have always been kind of close… and I know that being a teenager in my mother’s household is stressful.

So – The pressure I have been getting is from her. Which is different and new. Kind of. There has always been the suggestion that I move there – but it was easier to brush aside when I didn’t have to make a choice.

I don’t know if the reasons she is now giving though are the right ones. For her, or for me. I am not a placeholder. I am no longer willing to be there – just because it would make someone else’s life easier.

So I am contemplating moving to BC. NOT because of my mom (though the fact that she has a tumour doesn’t help), not because my Oma is kind of going senile, not because my brother wants me too.

I have done a LOT of soul searching since leaving Jamie. Not so much about who I want to live with… but WHERE I want to live and the whys of it. Not because of who I may hurt if I don’t go their way… but of where I would be happiest overall. I never made any claims to love Saskatchewan. It can be pretty, and living in Imperial was an amazing dream. But the winter. The flatness. The bigoted people. I didn’t like that. The reason I chose to stay??? Was because it was right smack dab in-between my parents. I couldn’t offend anyone by being right in the middle. I wasn’t making a choice. I was making a lack of choice. Same reason I didn’t leave Saskatoon – it was easier to stay and be with Jamie.

Let me say something I recently discovered.

Where I want to live:

I want to live in a remote, tiny place by myself with my dog and my cat. Somewhere beside a lake where I can see the mountains. I want to not worry all the time about running into someone I had a falling out with.  I want to be able to sit outside in the sun and read a book – without bugging anyone – more days then I spend inside hiding from the cold. A place where I won’t feel in debt to anyone but myself.

I want to be safe. Free. Warm. Happy.

Have you seen the mountains? The forests that run along the edges of frothing rivers, trickling streams, and lakes so blue they look green? The sunset over rolling hills, the purples and pinks exploding from behind snow capped peaks. Wild tulips showering bright patches of colour (because some idiot can’t garden). To find the hidden waterfalls. The “lookout spots” made my years of teenage feet steeling away into the bushes – making trails through the brush. Letting you know that you are not alone in your love of the land. That other’s find this little piece of the universe worth sneaking into to steal memories.

I don’t want to lose friends.. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to leave anyone. To be honest… I would be quite happy right now being a hermit – not near my mom, dad, brothers, etc. As long as I had the mountains and the magic.

I don’t know if I could  be truly happy staying here. I’m scared that if I stay – I will be always looking to find a way out. Having settled myself because I was resigned I was not going on. I don’t know if I will be happy in Kelowna, Vernon, Armstrong.  I don’t know if I would be happy in Ontario, or Saskatchewan either. For the first time in YEARS – going to BC to visit felt like coming home. I had always looked so hard for that feeling. At my dads, with Jamie, at Syl’s, when visiting my mom. I got glimpses of it – but it wasn’t HOME. This time… it wasn’t at mom’s that I felt it. It wasn’t with my brothers. It wasn’t even with Desiree. It happened when I was alone. The snow was glistening off the treetops, the moon was rising over the mountains. The contentment… seeing those mountains, those trees, those stars… THAT was home. That wild, yet tamed magic. That childhood peace that came over me. That’s when I started questioning everything.

I don’t want to live with my mom. I don’t want to live with anyone really. I don’t want another relationship. I don’t want much. I want that though. That peace. That beauty. That silence. That place where I don’t have to be scared of just being me.

 

That is what I am searching for. That is what I am willing to leave familiar and known for. That feeling… is worth leaving the security of my current situation. The unknown money aspect. The unknown living aspect. Dealing with family. That one moment of pure happiness. That is where I want to live. Which is why I need to move. I think to BC. For now. I’m hoping that by the time I die – I will have found a way to always carry that magic with me. Until I do… I have to be able to look out my window and see it.

I’m so sorry. I love you. I don’t want to hurt you. I am not abandoning you and am sorry you feel that way. But this is for me. Not for anyone else. Not because of anyone else. This. is. finally. for. ME.

 

-R

Blogging withdrawal (apparently)

So.
I haven’t blogged in a while. Lots of personal shit going on. Lots of life changes. Days of insomnia followed by roofie-esq sleeping pills. Fun times.

But I realized that something was off.

I tried to show my support to my fellow Lawsbians in need… and ended up talking about gory alien fist fights.

While trying to let someone know that we needed her around, I may have mentioned a pending zombie apocalypse,  needing her for the army, and that we are the Borg.

I am assuming that being unable to provide support in anyway other then slapstick or with an insane and obscure attempt at humour… meant I was lacking a creative outlet and needed to get back at attempting to blog.

For your entertainment and of course for posterity… I shall copypasta my wonderfully obscure attempts at solace.

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Aliens attack

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Zombies

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Live....Er....love

Horrible thing to wake up too

Excluding all the other stuff that is going on right now.. I got an upsetting phone call from my mom this morning.

She called to say that she had blood taken to check for cancer markers. She has a mass on her pancreas.

How is that good morning news?

Anyways.. I’ve been doing my Google research…and pancreatic cancer is horrible. Life span in 95% of cases is less then 5 years. WTF INTERNET! Also only half the people who might be able to have the removal surgery (part of the stomach,  intestines, pancreas,  gall bladder,  appendix and ducts are removed.) Of those who qualify…. only 20% of them live to five years. The rest pass in about 2.

Know what else?  It has almost no early warning signal aol by the time they are testing you it could be stage three or four. You could literally only have months left.

She will totally be in the clear though. The mass they found on her pancreas ws just a smudge on the camera. Or its benign. Possibly just a stray piece of gum she swallowed 5 years ago finally wanting to be digested.

I’m totally twisted

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I’m kinda sucking at daily posts, but…

***This happens to be a catch up post. I had it saved in my drafts from my trip to Ontario. Then shit got real, yo!  And I,  I got lost in the battle. Lets hope I’ve won this one******

Holy cow guys. Travel is expensive. Especially when you kinda like to impulse shop. In weird ways. Like impulsively waxing your entire face. And then not liking your new eyebrows.

True story. Happened to my….er…. friend.

I was able to get things done that I wanted to do though. Which is totally great, considering I forgot what exactly I was so excited to share with this post.

C’est la vié!

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