sadness

Just found out today that my uncle is in intensive care. he is in a medically induced coma due to complications from pneumonia. They apparently tried to bring him out of the coma earlier, but things went south really fast so they put him back in. I dont know what to think or feel about this. He was my childhood hero.

 

Also found out another person who was very influential in my life passed away. Not sure how I feel about that either.

 

I need to cry.

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Updated

I have since posting the last post – decided that I am going to declare today – SELF PITY DAY.

I do NOT plan on doing anything. I plan on wallowing

wal·low  

strong 1. To roll the body about indolently or clumsily in or as if in water, snow, or mud.
2. To luxuriate; revel: wallow in self-righteousness.
3. To be plentifully supplied: wallowing in money.
4. To move with difficulty in a clumsy or rolling manner; flounder: “The car wallowed back through the slush, with ribbons of bright water trickling down the windshield from the roof” (Anne Tyler).
5. To swell or surge forth; billow.
n.

1. The act or an instance of wallowing.
2.

a. A pool of water or mud where animals go to wallow.
b. The depression, pool, or pit produced by wallowing animals.
3. A condition of degradation or baseness.

[Middle English walowen, from Old English wealwian; see wel-2 in Indo-European roots.]

wallow·er n.

.

Wallowing in my frustration, wallowing in my cold feet-ed-ness, wallowing in the no coffee department. I even plan on wallowing in my unwashed filth. (ok.. maybe not THAT one – since I am already washed – and since that is gross). I may not even EAT today. I may just crawl back underneath the covers and hide from the entire world.

This could be a solution to the entire mess.

nods.

Today – Bank Rant – Money – COFFEE

woke up frustrated and everything kept making it worse…

Apparently I am “always like this” when the bf goes out-of-town ( if I am it is not a conscious decision who choses to be angry/frustrated?). But everything is bugging me. EVERYTHING, weather, clothes, cat …. here is a list of why I am frustrated.

1)It’s not sunny enough outside today. There has been too much rain lately and it makes me depressed.

2) The sun that IS there, is shinning on my computer screen, even with my blinds closed and making it hard for me to see shit.

3) Toast is annoying – she just keeps… being Toast. 😛

4) My pants are sitting funny, they feel weird on my leg.

5) My feet are cold – even with socks and slippers on.

6) I only have 40$ to my name and the bf doesn’t seem too upset – He  is out-of-town so I can’t get stuff I needed to buy this weekend bought – and since I forgot to make a list yesterday when he was here and we went shopping, im SOL.

7) I still haven’t been able to move my couch or lazy boy downstairs. I haven’t had anyone available to help move stuff. The bf has been working lots, and I cannot do it myself as it’s just awkward and there are too many stairs.

8) I cannot finish unpacking the garage until things like the couch and shit get moved and set up. Plus, I need some finishing nails/hammer/screws to steady the bookshelf before I put elephants on it. I forgot to grab some when the bf was here last, and only remembered once he was home again.

9) *edited for personal reasons.*

10)I didn’t get to see the bf before he left this morning. He had to leave earlier then either of us expected, and yes, I probably would have complained if I had been woken up at quarter-after-the-ass-crack-of-dawn to go down the street to get a bagel. THOUGH I might have liked a phone call. I really don’t know what my mindset would have been.

11) I need to cry. That harsh snot filled, chest heaving, stress relieving crying.

As for the money thing – I just can’t get over the idea that me only have $40 – as in not knowing where the extra 300 went!!!! – doesnt bug him and “isn’t something to get stressed over”.

*grumbles and growls*
I do bank online. So technically I would, at any other time be able to check my banking history, and probably not feel so stressed out. BUT…. see.. here is the BIG piss off/frustration:

My bank –(insert bank name here) — will not cash my work cheque without a 10 day hold on it. They tell me my limit is at 0$ and it will be a full year before they will be able to release my full cheque, as I will have to go in, every 4 months for evaluations. Apparently there is not enough activity in my account, as I only get paid once a month by the “job” – and the “job” does not do direct deposit, (With only 12 staff it doesn’t make sense for them, or something like that).

Therefore I have been going to the credit union where the cheque is from – getting them to cash it so that I can go deposit it in my bank. The credit union takes a percentage for cashing it… then I have to bus my way across town with a thousand dollars in cash in my purse to deposit it in my bank – AT a teller.  Of course being that I only get paid second last working day of the month – there is always a lineup as its usually welfare/old age pension/ei or whatever day.

My issue is that they never had a problem with my cheques when I worked on the rigs; even for the tiny companies, and those cheques were a lot more than just a measly (amount here). I don’t want to have to change banks, or open another account at a different bank just to deposit a cheque. Plus im trying to build a rapport with the bank anyways, in case one day in the future I want a loan, or a mortgage or something.

Back to the reason why I am short – this last time – it was a good 2 days before i could get to a bank because  they were closed at the nearest bank. The bf wasnt available to drive me, but told me that I shouldn’t go all the way across town on the bus, with my wallet full of cash. When I did get to the bank to deposit the money, there was 300$ less than what I started with. I have no idea what happened to the rest, I guess it got spent on something. (Wouldn’t it be nice if a person could have like a $1000 buffer in their bank account as a default? All persons got this amount when signing up at a bank?).

If I had deposited it right away I wouldn’t have had the tracking problem – I probably would at lest be less stressed about where the money went, hence the frustration of not getting to the bank right away.

And i am craving coffee. PLUS there is none here. I don’t even have a coffee maker right now.

Coffee is a food group.
unfortunately the bf doesn’t see it that way. He keeps telling me I need to cut back on the amount I drink. I personally think I am doing way better than when I first started drinking coffee. I am only drinking a few cups a day, not a few pots. There is a Starbucks and  a Timmies about a 15 min walk away…
But that costs money.

And I am grumpy.grrr.

Coffee is what stops me from murdering people who annoy  me. ( I don’t think I would latterly murder someone? But it does keep the grumpy down. 🙂 )

anyways that is all for now. I guess I shall get some clothes on or something. Or maybe go get a coffee.. or just go back to bed? BAH!

Ac

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