After effects

After a week of … that…. I am going through “drop”.

It sucks.

I’m on edge. Looking for that connection … that… missing piece.

Wtf is wrong with me.

Would the void be filled with anyone?  With anything? Did I just fuck things up even more, by letting myself feel again?

I don’t feel guilty.  I think I’m jealous.  Which is just as stupid. I have no claim. I never did. I actually *honestly* am okay with that.

I’m not like normal people.  I don’t understand the restrictions people put on their love for each other. Restricting how someone , who you say you love, can interact and love others. .. just doesn’t compute. 

It doesn’t mean that every once in a while.. I don’t long for others to feel the same way I do.

I find… that the one(s) who matter the most to me? The one(s)… who gets me? We connect to each other – usually in ways that are confusing. For both of us. Lol.

It is what makes me want to keep them in my life. However I can manage it 🙂

Once my head stops spinning from the whirlwind of excitement and… insane contentment…. I think I’ll be fine?

Though… what I wouldn’t give for a steady diet of … that.

Sigh.

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