How do I tell thee…

I have so much I want to write about and express. I just – don’t want to come off as a downer. I have been avoiding writing, because, for me, not talking about it seems to have let me put it out of my mind for the time being.

I have recently moved provinces. This move caused strife between me and one of my best friends. Feelings were hurt, I probably wasn’t a saint.. but there are still things going around that I am not okay with. Mainly the idea that I have been bashing this friend before and since.

The things that were said were so hurtful – to me – that I blocked one of my best friends. On FB, my phone, fet , everything. I am not going to be talked to like that. Besides – who are you, or who is anyone else to tell me whether or not I was raped? Fuck you, that’s who.

But I digress. I don’t want to dwell on the hurt. I have unblocked her on my end. Maybe something will happen… maybe I will still just be ‘someone who used her and threw her away”, and will always be ‘a bottomless pit where good intentions go to die”. If that is how she feels still… I am sorry. I still care, am still thankful and grateful for every part of our friendship, and hope one day you can view me as more then that.

Next topic:

I moved here (BC) March 30/31. My stuff and I had been crashing at my moms house. I had an air mattress in the pantry, my brother was in the mud room on an airmattress, and my mom and other brother had the rooms. The two cats, dog, and all of us made for one cramped situation – yet I couldn’t really complain. I was home. Finally felt like I could belong in BC again. It was awesome.

Dez lives about 1.5 hours from my moms house. She is my longest relationship outside of family. We met in March when we were in grade 2. I had just moved into the area and it was my first day. No one else would show me around. … *Eventual story to come*… we have been best friends ever since.

It was…wow… can it be 20 years? Grade 2…. I started kindergarten at age 5. Grade one was 6 years old. Grade two – I would have been seven until the end of May. We met in March. I am turning 27 end of this month… that is 19…not quite 20 full years of friendship. BUT HOLY FUCKING COW BATMAN!

I have just decided the next bit has to be its own post because, well.. it’s my fucking blog. So suck it.

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