45 things a girl wants, but wont ask for (and my response) – from the draft abyss

My 13 year old cousin posted this on FB.. and I just had late night issues…


1. Touch her waist. (Touch my waist, I punch your face. Fair warning)

2. Actually talk to her. (but only if it makes sense and you can use proper English, or at least something resembling English.)

3. Share secrets with her. (Unless they will creep me out. I don’t want to know you keep scabs in a jar, or buried your cat in the garden I just ate lettuce from)

…4. Give her your jacket. (Only if it is my size. What am I going to do with a jacket that doesn’t fit?)

5. Kiss her slowly. (This is ok… but only as long as you realize I need air. Otherwise you will lose an eye)

Are you remembering this?

6. Hug her. (This is good. Unless I am trying to go pee)

7. Hold her. (Again good, unless I need to go to the bathroom or you’re preventing me from getting to the salad bar)

8. Laugh with her. (Especially when I tell my awesome jokes. )

9. Invite her somewhere. (Sure – Just don’t expect me to enjoy visiting great Aunt Nelly in her nursing home – or watching as you and your friends play musical burps)

10. Hangout with her and your friends together. (Unless they are total douch bags. Then you can hang out with them by yourself. Ill find my own thing to do)


11. Smile with her. (Just don’t be creepy about it.)

12. Take pictures with her. ( Only take my picture on a good day, or when I have given my permission first. NEVER show off a picture before I have given it my stamp of approval. You think I want everyone to know what I look like when I just roll out of bed?)

13. Pull her onto your lap.* (Just don’t quote RHCP when doing it. Shudders)*

14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back. (You plan on duking it out with me over the fact I may love you more? Immature much?)

15. When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved. (I will more then likely claw your eyes out because you are suffocating me)

Are you thinking of someone?

16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her. (Unless I am doing something else. Or you JUST did this, or I am in the bathroom – in which case – shut the door you!)

17. Kiss her unexpectedly. (You gotta be careful else my ninja-like skills end up giving you a black eye because you startled me)

18. Hug her from behind around the waist. (Remember what happens when you touch my waist? Hugging me from behind just means you get canned instead of punched)

19. Tell her she’s beautiful. (This one I will take)

20. Tell her the way you feel about her. (Acceptable – unless the way you feel about me is illegal. Then we need to have a in depth conversation about limits and boundaries beforehand.)

One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.

21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car – it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman. (This only works some of the time – I may just turn and look at you funny and there will be a complete awkward moment as I wait for you to enter the fucking restaurant already goddamnit)

22. Tell her she’s your everything – only if you mean it. (I’m sorry, you tell me this and I will know you are lying. It is emotionally and physically impossible for me to be your everything. I am not your mother, your father, your favorite gym teacher or that girl you diddled in 8th grade. I am just me)

23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her – if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT – so just hug her.(Or it could be that there is ACTUALLY NOTHING WRONG)

24. Make her feel loved. (…just not stalked)

25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!(Or other boys, or girls you don’t know… etc)

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US .. (Tickling me will usually result in some sort of fight)

26. Don’t lie to her. (Unless it is a good lie… like “No hun, you won’t seem like a total uncouth pig if you eat a second piece of pie” – that right there is a good lie)

27. DON’T cheat on her. (This I kinda agree with… )

28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants. (That’s right.. I wanna go to the fucking MOON!)

29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her. (Just don’t expect more of a response then a grumble or a “k” until at least 10 am and 2 cups of coffee)

30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.(Unless I need you to GO AWAY. Sometimes I like to be alone yo)


31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too. (Or we could just go to somewhere where it isn’t cold… What a novel idea!)

32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her. (Hell we don’t have to be alone for that…)

33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her). (Or it warns me that I may have had too much garlic at lunch and I need to brush my teeth…that works too)

34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly. (You make me miss an important piece of my movie and there will be hell to pay… HELL)

35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset, comfort her.( If you’re mad, be mad. Tell me you’re mad. Tell me to leave. Just be prepared for the response)


36. When people diss her, stand up for her. (But don’t be surprised when I am right there telling nasty jokes right along with them… that doesn’t mean you can though)

37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her. (This works … as long as you don’t turn it into something creepy.. and heads up – I may burst into laughter)

38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you. (How romantic… though I will more then likely smell like a bottle of Off! – Only time I want to be outside laying down looking at the stars is in summer… when bugs are out)

39. When walking next to each other grab her hand. (Just don’t startle me too much or I may attack)

40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.(Just let go when I start to squirm.. otherwise I might poke your eyes out)


41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams. (Don’t be offended if I fall asleep on you)

42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears. (Letting me blow my nose helps as well.)

43. Take her for long walks at night. (Unless it is in the dead of winter, or a really bad part of town or something like that)

44. Always remind her how much you love her. (I like this one)

45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while you’re sitting on her. (I am warning you right now. You sit on top of me and I will NOT be wiping the blood off your face after you smack your head into the wall when I buck)

You’ll never know when she needs just a little more love .. ♥! (Until I ask for it)

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Karen
    Apr 28, 2013 @ 18:28:14

    ROFLMAO….These comments are exactly why I love you more than any one who has ever lived…You are my everything….


  2. alwayschangeling
    Apr 29, 2013 @ 14:03:26

    @Karen – I love you too. 3>


  3. ekgo
    May 03, 2013 @ 20:55:33

    I dunno. I think you’re being a little harsh and judgey in 9 – you might be missing out on some extraordinary talent…either at the nursing home or the musical burping. Otherwise, though, this list scares me because it sounds like it should leadto a pit in the basement where these guys are going to keep these girls, giving them lotion to run on their skins.


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