Day 10 – 1 confession

My confession. Its turning out to be harder then I thought. I’ve thought it over, and over and over. Ive written it in my head many times. I keep forgetting to actually write it down though.

Here it goes…

I have a mental illness. Well technically a few of them. They are not something I am ashamed of.(I don’t think…) I just don’t go yelling from the rooftops. Some days are better then others. Hell, some years are better then others.

It effects every part of my life. My social interactions, my work (or non work) environment. Its just who I am.

There are times where I don’t leave the house for days on end. Times where I don’t sleep. Times where everything I see makes me cry or scream in anger. I live in constant fear that I will never get better. Constant fear that what I have, WHO I am – will never measure up. That people will find out, not understand and judge. If they just asked… if they were just willing to get to know ME…

Every day is a battle. Somedays I win. Somedays I lose. Most days I just survive. Sometimes my anxiaty is so bad I can’t breathe, the walls close in and I just want to run. Days go by where I am so depressed I just want to give up. Then there are the times where everything is fine… life is normal, days go on.

I would never be able to get by without the small support network I have. Desiree. My mom. Jamie. Syl. My brothers. Each of these people I lean on, each of these people are willing to support me. I couldn’t do it without them.

So my confession is this:

My name is Robyn. I am broken. Apparently it is not fixable. I am still here. Still fighting. Still the same person I was yesterday. I have a mental illness. But I am not my mental illness.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. beautyfrompainblog
    Apr 28, 2012 @ 08:56:46

    Well done on this post, but try to remember that you don’t need to ‘confess’ anything, because it is not your fault, and it is nothing to be ashamed of xxx


  2. Piimanyx
    Sep 02, 2012 @ 09:11:38

    [Quick] Love Comment Blog ♥ (3) (3/3) Piimanyx

    I’m sorry, but it’s hard to leave comments on your blog. Because the way to leave comments on a blog is to render happy the people that receive comments. But you are so sad ! It’s hard to send you sun :(!
    I hope you’ll be well !
    Take care about you !
    Try to be happy, even it’s hard.


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