10 Days of Something.

Something that I saw some of my online friends are doing. Their responses have been so insightful and full of interesting facts that I felt a desire to join in and share my own thoughts and opinions.

Day 1- Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

There are times when your rigidness and narrow view of the world make me want to rip out my hair. I feel like I have to pretend and only be part of myself when I am around you for fear that you will never approve.

I think back on every moment we ever spent together often. I take it out- examine it, cherish it, relive it moment by moment, mourn it – and then I put it back in the box of what was, and will probably never be again. This saddens me and I hope to never forget these times.

I am jealous of you. Your laugh, your face, your smile, your voice. Everything about you makes me feel inferior and inadiquate. I look at you from afar and wish I could be you.

You are my best friend. You listen when I am sad. You laugh with me and shake your head at my silly antics. You share yourself with me and inform me when I need to get my head out of my ass. You are not afraid of me and are willing to tell it how it is. Every moment of laughter has been documented in my memory and will never be erased. Every tear has been remembered, be it good or bad, for its importance in our lives. I would be a wreck if you were no longer in my life and I miss you dearly every day. Don’t ever give up on our friendship.

I love you. You will always have a special place in my heart reserved only for you. I fell in love with you that day in the pool, and have not stopped loving you since. Not even when the distance, other relationships and children came into the picture. I miss you everyday and count myself blessed that we still talk and remain friends.

You hurt me. When you supported me, accompanied me and stood by me it meant a lot. Then you changed your tune, didn’t remember what happened and went back. It has been almost three years but I still haven’t gotten over it.

I may complain about you, or us. I have been known to share only the frustrating and the bad with those I trust ancd care about. Possibly skewing their views of you and of how we interact in an unfair manner. This was never my intent – I love you and enjoy your company. I cannot imagine not having you as a part of my life. Though there are days where I want to choke the life out of you or scream from the top of my lungs – the love I have for you never wavers. Through everything I still love you. I plan on striving to share more of the good we have on a more regular basis and keep my venting to a minimum. 🙂

You are not a bad person. Just because I have my own issues and struggles does not mean you failed. Without you I would not be who I am today. I would not be as strong, as resiliant, as loving or able to bounce back. These qualities I learned not just from your words, but through watching you – seeing the struggles you fought through. Seeing your courage and your ability to pick yourself back up. Your neverending faith in me and empathy are things I cherish dearly. I will never be able to convey all the appreciation I have for you with enough words to do it justice. There were bad times. There were worse times. There were times that were so good I still don’t believe they were real. The laughter. Each moment building on who I am and who we are to each other. I wouldn’t change it.

I miss you. Everyday. There is not a time that goes by when you don’t travel through my thoughts. It still hurts just as much as it did then. I still can’t believe you are not here. No longer around to love me. I doubt I will ever fully recover from your loss, but I hope the sadness eventually makes way for the happiness that comes from reliving the memories of our time together. I still talk to you. Even though you can’t hear me anymore. Even though I get looks like I am nuts. I talk about you in the present tense because I can’t believe you are truely gone. I wont believe that you aren’t out there somewhere. Waiting to come home. I love you.

I honestly don’t think I was that mean to you. In my mind when I think back on it I only can remember the times of laughter, fun and games. The tire swing. The forts across the road. Pennies on the train tracks. Campouts in your room. Keeping each other company when things got bad. Keepign eachother honest. Walking to school. Playing at the warf. Dinosaurs, snakes and cow pastures. Snoopy, walks and exploring. Shaving kits, drywall holes, Atari games. Baseball, CN Tower, Marineland. Green Eggs and Ham, snakes and ladders, Tales from the Cryptkeeper at 6am and splitting halloween candy down to everyone getting the same amount of each colour of candy. In my mind ours is a friendship forged out of battles fought, dragon’s vanquished,candies eaten and mud overcome. Of survival through times that were tough, fearful and hard. In spite of distances and time apart. I just hope you can view the past the way I view it. With a smile on my face.

Day 2 – Nine things about yourself

Day 3 – Eight ways to win your heart.

Day 4 – Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day 5- Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day 6 – Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day 7-  Four turn-offs.

Day 8 – Three turn-ons.

Day 9 – Two images that describe your life right now, and why.

Day 1 – One confession

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